Test.
This is a test of using Corel word perfect instead of word. It feel odd to be back in a wpf environment. I’m wondering about file compatibility.
Maybe I should just tell a little story. As a way to input some text. That way I don’t have to worry about if I lose it.
One of the things the dutch government is very concerned about is maintaining their cultural heritage and ability to dominate world trade. They’ve been playing this game well since throwing off the Hapsburg empire. There were times when Spain, parts of Italy, Holland/the Netherlands, and I think Austria, were part of the same empire, and it never really worked very well.
Like the Japanese, the Dutch excel in trade because they have given up war, for now, and use learning and knowledge as a base of power. Plus, they have an intensive agricultural base, and actually export food. They have stuff like high rise apartments for pigs, with crops growing on the roof. It’s an outgrowth of old folk ways, wind mills, seeing land as scarce, because it has been reclaimed from the sea. Idea: invite max to the nephew project.
I’m depressed, because I’m not online. I could call Joell, see if he’s home, go repossess the hub.
But I’m disinclined. Joell is hard to find. We have issues. I avoid conflict. I prefer to avoid conflict. My stomach hurts.
I want more coffee, which is kind of paradoxical, cuz it won’t help my stomach.
The bath was nice, but I lost my spot on the computer. Maybe I should go outside for a walk.
I’ll have the coffee then think about that again.
I could make a list of stuff I need from the old house.
I could get more flowers for Chrystena. Would she like a stuffed animal?
My monitor is now sitting on top of some books, the Kennedy Women and one about Adlai Stevenson.
I don’t remember Kennedy being shot. I remember LBJ saying he wouldn’t run again.
It was the winter after the summer of love, and the hippies were revolting.
It’s normal for a boy and his dad to have some ego conflict, but LBJ, as the patriarch, was off his rocker, and I as the boy rebel was too, and my dad was stuck in the middle.
I’ll go for that coffee now.
No one will ever read this, or at least, not for fun. Even I would have little reason to come back and read this stuff. I could grab it for a blog entry if i felt the need of one. These are like morning pages, which i learned about in jail, caged with the animals quickly going crazier than i was.
Dad liked it quiet too. He lived out in the burbs, had friends over for bridge once a month and otherwise, I can’t remember anybody ever dropping by just to see dad. Johnny one time, johnny who died of lung cancer when he was 25, Johnny Moyed, from whom I learned about the Castaneda books.
That’s the trick, to master esoteric knowledge before going crazy or dying.
I was going to write a little story for max, about dutch boys.
Maybe i will, maybe i won’t. Maybe this is that story, starting idiosyncratically.
Maybe I’ll lose this text if i try to hit save now.. I’m using Word perfect, for the first time in 10 years, instead of word or some online editor. Wordperfect is not in wordperfect’s spellchecker.
I got up, put some garlic bread in the nuke, found my coffee I’d forgotten all awbout killed a fly, one distraction after another. It’s after 5, so the day I planned just didn’t happen, except the part o f the day that was to sit at a computer and type. Once upon a time, writing was hard, so it tended to be reserved for those who were good at it, or those driven by the need. I can understand that need better now. Imagine being out on the prairie, running a farm, like my great grandfather Abraham Masten, who wrote one line in his diary every night about the work he’d done that day. Imagine again that you had a story to tell, some horrible thing that haunted your dreams. Masten had lived through andersonville, the worst of the confederate prison camps. The commander was hung afterwards as a war criminal.
Masten never, to my knowledge, wrote about that. But he had a pamphlet about the horrors, and it is one of the things that has come down to us along with his diary. I have it, photocopied, in a box, with the other boxes, in the house I am afraid to go back to. In the room where I survived an attempted murder, in the house where i was arrested for a crime that didn’t happen, jailed and tortured. I don’t know which box. My stuff is in a shambles. To try to sort through it brings up all this stuff I am running from, unfinished projects, sad memories, happy ones.
This little essay is getting to be a shambles like that, one box of oddness in this paragraph, a different box over there, unclear how they are connected exactly, what order they go in.
Because I’m crazy, I don’t sit and calmly go from point A to point B. If the straight line between them gets into quicksand, I’m already tired of the terrain metaphor. Hope you got the point. Hope I had a point. The little dutch boys. I never did tell that story for Max.
Once upon a time in what americans tend to call holland, land of holes, hollowland, life was hard, life was short, there was much to learn. Young men did two years in the army, in readiness to drive off invaders. Young boys went to school and learned much, or maybe went to work, or helped the family business, or did chores around the house. Maybe they were apprenticed and learned a trade.
So, there, they are used to national service, because the hun is a real threat. It does not seem the destriction of liberty that this would be for americans, where in america war is about offense and imperialism, not defense.
So, the story, it’s not a story yet, just the idea for one, came up in a conversation, and online converation.

A - practice of law1. outline memo Bmake trial notebook.do statement of facts memo.write daily summaries of how much time went to each project, so can keep track.outline letter to prosecutor memo.discovery request re jail, identify mark, contact nate dawn.essential to send letter to nate dawn.use legal stationery.do at least a page of jailblog.continue efforts on -2. aclu v heller projectcontact gary peck at aclu, or at least draft letters.contact kateri cavincontact the guys who were fined.prepare/revise memo on misconduct by secretary of state.3 amicus in gilmore v ashcroftcyberiabillget gilmore's lawyer's info again.public relations person to contact.possible letters to senators or congresscritters, asking for the secret policy. even carson.4. list other cases that could use intervention.5. work on client memos re status6. outline statement to attorney disciplinary commission.B. Personal life.1. Take a bath, shave, buy razors. clean clothes, hand up clothes, get paperwork slightly more in order2Tell Joell about the Eric problem, get hub.3Memo to roommate - need to talk about stuff.- dogshit- exit strategy- shared use of wire.- my own pattern of unreasonableness- help reducing number of roaches, need to bug bomb.- he's not looking for work.-disability, medication, assistance, peer counseling? VA as source of medication? VA as source of stress?If we could get a roommate, like the girl who left for example.but she has the baby, i guess that would just add stress, and not healthy for kid.4 trash day. take out more trash. that would be a good -do first- kinda thing.5 go downtown, get money from bank,deliver case file items in majors to supreme court.make notes about budget for august, spent, owed, etc.do household budget for 411, for 227.realtor! send file.memo re driver's license.make list of contacts from job fair.work on to do list.work on to do list some more.play on my space - but only a little.so plan for the day:1 take out trash.2. work on computer on memos.3. noonish, go downtown, get money $50 check balance,print cover letter, deliver cover letter and brief and appendix in majors.should also print out copy of motion for rehearing.in cover leter, mention ACLU v Heller.tonight, birthday party for crystena.so that's 6 things.so that would be 5 things. at end of day, check in, make did list.did lists for day, week, month.didn't lists for day week month.in order: this was a good first stab at a to do list.then i'll take out trash and start heating bath water.then i'll play on myspace alittle and come back and work on this list or on the memos or something. that's less of a commitment to prioritizing than is ideal, but it's a start.make webcomic?first update:write this to do list and daily tast list onto paper.look for old lists, review, add items here.email zorry.work on the lonnie problem.the lonnie problem is, some guy is trying to kill me. that's a bigger problem than some criminal charges or a disciplinary complaint.possible letter to scott keller.memo on what facts would have to be true for the state's case to be good.confidential memo on real facts.pick up trash on street.write uncle bob aunt margaret.check email.i've had coffee, and my brain is going in 100 different directions. need to focus, get up, take out trash, start bath water. 9 am.
stuff i forgot to put on this list:get a job -call foundry to set up informational interview.get number from folder. that means go thru paperwork, try to get organized.call momcall lindymaybe i had too much coffee today.time to check bath water.i was doing ok before, but now i'm feeling a little stressed, and organizationally challenged. 10:30.
The bath water hadn’t heated because I hadn’t turned the knob.
I’m organizationally challenged when my big accomplishment for the day is trying to take a bath. I want more coffee, but I should eat something instead. I’m doing so.









Memo to pat:

We should talk.
Things are going pretty well in some ways,
but I do a poor job of communicating my concerns.

You washed the dishes and fixed the fence. I can see you are making efforts. Partly I am concerned about waking sleeping dragons – being a slob myself, I’m not trying to get you to army standards. I have, as you may have noticed by now, a compulsive need to clutter. 90% of my stuff is still over at the other house.

I have a tendency to keep quiet when stuff bothers me,
Because I grew up in a house where kids were heard and not seen,
where backtalk was not allowed. I have major issues about this, particularly with men who raise certain red flags – smoking, drinking, swearing, history of violence, lack of taking responsibility.

I need to go over some of my main points again, and keep going over them until the point is made.
I am experiencing a nervous breakdown, a severe depressive episode.
My lawyer says I should avoid situations that aggravate my depression, that I should get a job and move to a nicer place. I think he underestimates the trouble I have finding and keeping a job.
But I can work on dealing with the specific environmental factors that are freaking me out.
The following specific things trigger my rage, which I then usually suppress, deepening the depression:

Cigarette butts. Get all of them out of the house and yard today, and every day. Designate one of the grey dumpsters for toxic waste, put them in there.
The alternative is to not smoke in the house.
The next alternative is to leave.

That brings up the issue of an exit strategy.
We have been making this work.
We are both making some progress here.
I am notoriously hard to live with, generally live alone, because nobody can put up with me.
I think we can make this work.
But you need a plan B, so you have somewhere to go, if I have to ask you to leave, because you won’t cooperate with my basic needs.

Dog shit. We’ve discussed it before. I thought I was quite clear.
You have to clean up the dog shit in the hall and mop the floor with bleach.
You need to check the house every day, and deal with problems the same day.
You need to clean the dog shit out of the basement, and off the back patio.
Or leave. I do not want to have to wade through dog shit.

Dog hair. We have a vaccuum and a broom. Use one or the other, at least twice a week.
Do not assume I’m willing to clean up after your dogs, or live here while you don’t.

Bugs: I’m not getting much help with the bugs. We need to plan to have the dogs leave for a few hours so I can set off the foggers. Again, the goal is not to kill them all, that’s impossible given next door. The goal is a significant reduction in their numbers. I would welcome help spraying. The spray so far is completely ineffective, but daily spraying for a month might help a little.

In summary, I need more cooperation in avoiding or reducing the specific environmental factors that trigger my rages and depressive episodes: cigarette butts, dog shit, and bugs.
I also have some concerns about money, and that you refuse to look for work.

When I have bugs crawling on me, it is hard to focus on the upside here. It’s usually quiet.
With you and the dogs here, I’m safer than if I were here alone. I like you personally. You seem more able than most people to put up with me. I have some adjusting to do in how to communicate with you – I realize you can’t read my mind. You’re perfect – now change.
Since I realize I have a tendency to be irrationally nitpicky in a way that’s annoying and drives people away, I’ve been trying to cut you some slack, and vice versa.
But it goes too far if I have to put up with cigarette butts or dog shit or can’t get more cooperation with the bug problem.
It is very very difficult for me to say or type these things. My preference is to avoid conflict rather than confront conflict. But the alternative is that I keep holding it inside until at some point I blow up. This is not me blowing up; this is me trying to address my concerns calmly.

Thanks for listening.

Wirting this, needed to be said, but doing so has pitched me back into a depressed mood, I was fairly cheerful before. This goes to my point about how it’s hard for me to communicate and confront this stuff.
My preference is that if I say something once, you get it, and I don’t have to bring it up again. But that isn’t your style, apparently you need to be told some things over and over and some point you get it. So, as difficult and awkward as it is for me, I’m just going over some things we’ve discussed before, but in greater detail, seeking some common understanding.
One thing that’s missing from this memo is active listening – you also get to express your concerns and raise issues with me. Being paranoid, I’ll respond defensively, but I’m trying to have an open mind about stuff, so go ahead.

Memo to BMV
11:23.

Memo to
Office of the Clerk of Indiana Supreme Court.
State Capitol Building

I enclose several documents to supplement the record in Majors v. Abell (@cause number),
the appendix and brief which were rejected for filing by the clerk of the Supreme Court of the United States. The appendix contains the opinion of the Seventh Circuit following this court’s decision on the certified question. My current motion seeks clarification of an issue that arose out of the Indiana Supreme Court’s opinion, which may affect allocation of costs and fees, so I am supplementing the record with these documents. If any additional copies, or additional documents, are needed, I will be happy to provide them.

I can be reached at 383-1510, gtbear@gmail.com, or by mail at Robbin Stewart, 227 N Temple, Indianapolis IN 46201.

Thanks,
Robbin Stewart esq.

8/17/2004 11:47 AM

I’m noticing I’m feeling depressed. Possibly by having written the pat memo. The more I face my problems, the more I get depressed.

--
I should document the call from tom sitler.
Same problem.

I’m sitting here upset and depressed.
The more I work on stuff close to my issues, the more it triggers my depression.


So I’ll take a break to work on something more fun – like I could do research on the Nevada Ag’s office re the station casinos heist.

“It was the perfect crime. Stealing $450,000 from a casino. And they almost got away with it.”
My internet buddy Wil Wheaton plays poker and writes about poker. I don’t play poker, or gamble at casinos. I lost $5 on the roulette wheel in Atlantic City once, just so I could say I’d been. That was the weekend I quit my job, hopped on a plane, went to a party in Jersey with some net friends. The big gamble was in quitting the job – 5 years later I’m broke and crazy and facing jail over something I didn’t do.

Meanwhile, I’m sitting on this info about the station casino heist. See, it’s not a “heist” in the usual sense – the perps have cooled off the mark – the casino doesn’t even want the money back. The guys who took the money are suits, high government officials with power and lots of willing hench-people. And they didn’t put the money in their own pockets, it went to the government. But that money was stolen, and like Mel Gibson in payback, I want it paid back.

It’s an odd little story, and I’m not much of a story teller, and I don’t have a lot of credibility, after leading in with the broke crazy and up on charges bit. So I’m not sure if I can get anyone to take this seriously. But it happened. I can document what went down where. Somebody like Grisham, somebody who knew how to write, could make a page turner out of it.

Ironically, and if there’s anything I am in life, it’s an irony magnet, I could get more readers if I marketed this as fiction. Unfortunately, it’s all true.

The players:
A guy named Heller. He’s the secretary of state for Nevada. From his web page, he seems like a nice guy, for a republican. Sense of humor, the usual cute kids and dog photos, used to be paperboy to the governor, hang out with choir geeks. Maybe I should call him the choirboy.

Kat Cavin. She’s an assistant AG. She’s been real nice when we’ve spoken on the phone, or was it email, and she sent me a bunch of the paperwork in the case, ACLU v Heller.

The flack. He was a public relations guy, hired by the casino, to do a hit on a local politician who had taken the station’s money, $100 g’s, and then backed the other guys, who wanted to build a rival casino. When I say hit, I mean a campaign flyer.
Maybe I should get him to write this up. He’s a flack, He knows how to write.
And he’s the one it happened to.

I spent yesterday tracking down the stories, but so far I don’t have this guy’s email or phone number. He doesn’t know I exist.

The writer – there’s a guy who has been doing stories on this, both for the local paper, and the trade rags that follow the casino industry because that’s where the money is.
He’s the objective journalist type; I wouldn’t be able to get him to help get the money back.
But he knows as much as anyone where the bodies are buried, and might have in interest in telling the story. If the flack doesn’t want to write it, he’s the next guy I could pitch.
When I say “where the bodies are buried”, there are no bodies. It’s an expression my mom and I use. She was a cold war spy in dc, who married my dad, moved to the suburbs, raised a family, and is one of those little old ladies who goes to all the meetings, knows all the politicians, and their dirty little secrets. She taught me the trade.

I’m one of those weird guys, the neighborhood crank, the guy who goes to city council meetings to complain about the outrage of the week. Know the type? I don’t actually go to the meetings anymore, I’m pretty much of a hermit, just me and the blue glow of the internet.
Right now I have a roommate and his two dogs, an unemployed tank repairman, gulf war syndrome. But he’s not part of the story, at least not this chapter.

Outside, some guy is mowing the lawn next door. Any little noise like that and I get distracted and can’t type or think. I was talking about me, one of my favorite subjects.
So my goal in life is to grow up to be an old crank like my dad was. In order to be more effective at it, I became a lawyer. Oh, not right away, I took some time to flunk out of 5 schools, learn to work shit jobs to get by, had a girlfriend for while who kicked me in the ass to go back to school so I could live my dream. She spent a semester in London and came back with a new boyfriend. We still talk sometimes.

In the state where I went to school, they wouldn’t let me join the bar, because I’m crazy as a loon, so I moved to Indiana, first place I passed the bar, plus I always live somewhere on I-70.
Bear with me. I’ll get back to the heist at some point. So anyway, I’m a civil liberties attorney, with a focus on election law and free speech on the internet, but, mostly I’m a crank.
So when they took my sign down, the day I won the republican primary for some township council board thingy, it rubbed me the wrong way, and I warned them they shouldn’t do that.
They did anyway, and I sued and won in a little case called stewart v taylor.
See, they weren’t allowed to take my sign down, for the same reason they weren’t allowed to steal the $450,000 from the casino.
A little thing called the constitution.
I need to look up the westlaw number to see if I can pull up stewart v taylor, I’ve lost my online copy.
@
3589212VWHS – not for publication, just my note to self.

If I go look for it now I’ll get distracted and not get back to this.
Stewart v Taylor says that the constitution, and a case called McIntyre v. Ohio, from 1995 by the supreme court, says the government can’t fine you for not putting some fine print on your campaign flyers about paid for by who, or that sort of thing.
They paid me $2000 for violating my rights, and paid my lawyer a little something for his time.
That’s where the $450,000 comes in, and that’s why I call it a heist.
If stewart v taylor, and mcintyre v ohio, are right, then Nevada cannot legally fine the station casino $450,000 for distributing a flyer that didn’t have the fine print.
I have to go back and read the stories and make sure there’s no other issue the fine could have been based on. I’m pretty sure they never proved libel or anything like that – they flyer was free speech.
The case was settled, and the casino can’t go after the money now. But I can.
It’s not my money, and I can’t insist they give it to me. The most I can do is insist they give it back to the casino. But I can do that.
And I’m in a mood to.

So if they happen to find my body floating in lake tahoe next week, it wasn’t suicide. Yeah, I’m crazy and depressed, but I’m fighting to live as hard as I can, and suicide is not an option I would ever consider.

Speaking truth to power is how I get my kicks, and sometimes they kick back.
Please write off these comments as an attempt at self-deprecating humor.
I’m just a crank.
Anyway, I’m getting to why this week is important to exposing and undoing the heist, and what my part of it was.
This week, the 9th circuit court of appeals .. my roommate’s awake,a nd he’ll want to use the computer for his silly videogames. I’ll pick this back up later. Not trying to be shaggy dog about it, it’s just a bit of along story. {and that’s where the manuscript ended officer, and we found this pool of blood…. wait that’s coolaid…

stuff i forgot to put on this list:get a job -call foundry to set up informational interview.get number from folder. that means go thru paperwork, try to get organized.call momcall lindymaybe i had too much coffee today.time to check bath water.i was doing ok before, but now i'm feeling a little stressed, and organizationally challenged.